It’s been a while since I’ve been able to get a 500 Club post up. Here’s a little something I call:
by S. C. Green
When no one was looking, I tore a page out of his book. Not just any page. The last page.
I know it was childish. How could it not be? What harm did it do me that he had the book first? Did it really bother me that he’s been flaunting it whenever the chance arises? Or, that he even offered to let me read it when he was done?
Yes. What part?
All of it, dammit.
I’m writing this now for future prosperity. Connie is a lout no matter what other people think of him. He even has people believing it doesn’t bother him that he has a girl’s name. I see right through it.
He’s just plain mean.
Do you even know why he has the book first? The book of all books? He wouldn’t have known about Zombie Armageddon 2, if he wasn’t over-hearing me talking to Ricky, Jonas, and Bill. I might have been loud, but how could you not get excited over a plague of zombies hungry to devour the first plague of zombies that infected the entire world in the first Zombie Armageddon.
These books are gold. I tell you, this author has the Midas touch. I think his name starts with an H. It definitely after the Gaiman titles, but before the Jordan’s at the bookstore. There ain’t any authors of note with a name starting with I, so it has to be an H name.
And that’s where he screwed me. I planned to read it just like I read the first one. I spend the weekend at the store reading it. I’m careful not to bend the spine, but if it happens, it happens.
Turns out he goes to the store and buys it before I can read it. I asked if the store will get another copy, but they said the only way to get that title is to special order it.
If I wanted to buy it, I would’ve used Amazons.
And don’t let that faux good nature of his full you. Sure, he’ll let me borrow the book when he’s done, but I’m on to him. I’ve seen his text books from class. They’re all marked up with notes in the margins and multiple colors of highlighter throughout. When he gives me the book it’ll be full of notes and annotations that’ll take away all the fun and suspense. He’ll probably even tell me how it ends as he’s giving me the book.
Well now he can’t. He won’t know how the book ends. He might even happily give me the book thinking it’ll get me, too, missing the end.
I hope I can keep from laughing in his face as he hands it to me. Maybe I’ll laugh and not tell him why. Let him sit in suspense for a while, and then tell him how the book ends when I’m done with it.
But the thing I want to remember from here to eternity is—
[Last page missing]
Sour Zombies by S. C. Green is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.